I’m told he’s not mentally disabled, so I guess Johnny Miller is fair game. With all the incredible action yesterday, it was irritating to have to listen to his nonsense. Rather than muting the telecast, I decided to document some of his gems. Some are listed by readers in this previous post, but here are some examples of his “brilliance” from Sunday at the US Open:
The nonstop comparison of himself to Tiger because of their similar knee surgeries: “I can relate to everything Tiger’s going through right now.” (Riiiiiight. There’s his delusional perspective at work.)
“Four par” (meaning a par 4 hole, not four par scores)
On what shots Tiger should hit all day: “If he plays the hook, he’s just another player.” (Uh, if he plays the hook, he’s probably an amateur. Do you mean draw?)
and… Johnny decided Tiger should be playing his power cut shots all day since they’ve been working best. (this shortly after we hear that the shot that hurts Tiger the worst is the cut, especially the power one since he snaps his left knee.)
On a random 6-foot putt: “These are the ones you gotta make if you wanna win.” (not the 4 footers, the 12 footers, the 2 footers, the approach shots or anything else?)
On a putt that didn’t break into the hole: “It stayed up there for some reason” (wonder what that reason is?)
On a shot decision with a poorly timed telestrator accompaniment: Lots of bumbling words followed by “he was playing the shot that would go this way” (are you sure he’s not mentally disabled?)
I’m recording the playoff so I’ll update this with any gems I pluck from today’s broadcast once I watch it (trying desperately not to hear the score!).
Update: From Monday’s playoff round
Talking about how “sole-ing” the club in chunky lies rather than keeping the club level at the ball for chips from the rough is the “biggest mistake I see from professional golfers.” (as though if he were still a player, he wouldn’t make this mistake and since it’s the most common, he’d be better than they are)
On the third hole after Rocco almost aced it and Tiger was in the bunker: “I had a feeling he was gonna make a 2 there when Tiger was buried.” (cocky blowhard now thinks he has ESP)
Talking about how Tiger made a bunch of one-putts then missed some “I sorta jinxed him.” (cocky blowhard thinks he has that power as well)
Constantly giving advice as to how caddies should interact with their players. For example – yesterday he suggested if he were Stevie, he’d be more forceful with Tiger’s club decisions off the tees. And today, saying if he were Rocco’s caddie he would have pumped him up by telling him to take advantage of the second par 3 when Tiger was in trouble. (Give me a break – these guys have relationships with their players and know exactly how to work with them.)
After the 18th hole when they were on their way to the 7th tee for sudden death, he said he was shocked that Tiger ate and drank as much as he did before going back to play: “It’s not always good to eat so much.” (Again – give me a break. Like Tiger doesn’t know his own body well enough to balance his own pH levels.)
Johnny – do you get paid by the word? Why do these people keep hiring him? Yes, he was announcing during the ESPN portion of the coverage as well as NBC. The only reason I can think is that the other announcers insist that he’s there alongside them so that they’ll appear brilliant by comparison.
Care to share some of your favorites? Please do!
June 16, 2008 at 11:33 pm
From the playoff:
1. “This is a very important putt for Rocco.”
Uhhh, you mean as opposed to the other putts, which are only a little important/not important?
2. “The player who hits it in the fairway on this hole has an advantage.”
Ya’ think?
Johnny Miller, Chris Berman, and Bob Costas all working one tournament. I’m shocked there weren’t more self-inflicted eardrum injuries this past week.
June 17, 2008 at 2:01 am
Here’s a classic I posted in March.That and the annoying screen graphics that ESPN used. They make my hair hurt.
Average golfer’s bizarre golf comment of the week. Courtesy of Johnny Miller, commenting on Sergio Garcia’s new Stan Utley aided putting stroke. After observing a Garcia practice stroke, Johnny said, “I like the way the toe comes alive.” Garcia proceeded to leave the six footer short. I suppose the toe needed to be a little more alive.
June 17, 2008 at 5:15 am
i can only lay claim to finding this quote in Richard Sandomir’s article, http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/17/sports/golf/17sandomir.html?partner=rssnyt
, in the nytimes.
“Mediate became an unfortunate verbal foil for Johnny Miller. It was hard to tell what came over Miller — had he ingested too much kikuyu grass? — when he chose his words badly to ostensibly praise Mediate’s everyman persona. Early Sunday he said Mediate “looks like the guy who cleans Tiger’s swimming pool.” A stupid remark that would barely be remembered if he had not followed it with one after Dan Hicks, NBC’s host, said, “Rocco with a chance to put his name on the U.S. Open trophy.”
What should that have provoked? Something like, “Yes, Dan, quite unlikely for Mr. 158.”
Instead, Miller said, “Guys with the name Rocco don’t get on the trophy, do they?”
The comment left me wondering if Miller was incautiously referencing — or insulting — Mediate’s heritage or his regular-guy demeanor. Rocco is an unusual name, but on the roster of United States Open winners, no odder or less-deserving than less-ethnic given names like Horace, Cyril, Byron, Lawson, Orville or Payne. So what was it about an Italian name inscribed on the trophy that hit Miller’s verbal tripwire? From him, an Italian guy who looks like a pool cleaner with his name on a trophy with Tiger’s sounded wrong.
Brian Walker, an NBC Sports spokesman, said, “Johnny was obviously referring to Rocco’s everyman qualities that endeared him to fans and viewers.””
June 17, 2008 at 3:31 pm
You’re right – if you could chronicle all the stupid comments from Miller during the 5 days, your server would cut you off for taking up too much space.
I liked the “this is a trick putt” on 18 green. I still have no idea what he was talking about – but neither does he.
Can’t leave Judy Rankin off the list, though. During Friday’s round, she was reading a putt saying that “it breaks ever so slightly from right to left – unless the hill on the left influences it, then it won’t.” Did you know that Judy Rankin was related to Yogi Berra ?
That entire crew was a mess – Dan Hicks, Johnny Miller, Dottie Pepper and her jokes that only she laughed at, Chris Berman… These people made Maltby and Koch sound like the greatest announcers ever.
June 17, 2008 at 3:35 pm
OH !! I forgot my favorite – when Johnny and Danny-boy pull up a replay of Tiger hitting a drive that left him wincing in pain – they wanted to see if they could tell what was wrong with the knee or what was causing the pain. Apparently they had a screen that gave an x-ray view that we couldn’t see.
MORONS ! Everybody and their grandmother already knew that the pain was because he is still recovering from surgery and the guy puts more torque on his knee than any other player on tour.