I’m channeling Kess today so I went into her inbox and found this old question that she never got the chance to answer. So, in her first column since her passing, the ghost of the Goose takes this question from David Joseph:

Dear Goose,

I have been golfing for a long time. I have been living for a long time too. As I get older I am getting faster. I need to get where I am going before I go croak. As golf gets older it is getting slower. This incredibly slow play is driving my friends away from the game.

I would like to know if there are any rules governing pace of play at public golf courses. I (and my quickly disappearing friends) need to be able to play a round of golf in less time than is currently possible. Can you help us out here?

David Joseph


Dear David,

If you haven’t already, I recommend going ahead and “croaking.” The golf courses are wide open and you can reunite with all your friends and play at whatever pace you like on any course you choose.

If you’re still circling the drain, try going to your favorite local muni on a weekday when the non-retired people are too busy in their offices to be on the golf course. Also try the more expensive courses where you can enjoy the senior rates and the faster pace of play (because the greens fees are too high for the young whippersnappers).

Maybe even join a senior league so you can share your common concerns like creaky hips and slower swing speeds. Stepping up to the forward tees might also speed up play for you and your friends. Make sure you all watch each other’s tee shots for a better chance at finding them with all those old eyes. Spread the word so that others do the same (especially the groups in front of you).

Good luck and I’ll see you soon,

The Goose

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