All I want for Christmas…

I already have my two front teeth.

Sure, there are a lot of clubs and accessories I don’t have that I might like. There’s probably even some non-golf stuff I might want or even need. But the only thing I can think of that I really really REALLY want is a custom club head cover. A black Great Dane (perhaps with gray on her muzzle and around her eyes), to be more specific.

Okay, it’s time to explain “the goose.”

My dog, Kess, is my baby girl. Very rarely does anyone actually call her by her name, though. She mostly is known simply as “the Goose.” When talking about her, it’s The Goose, when talking to her, it’s just Goose. It started with silly goose, which I know isn’t uncommon, then evolved to Mongoose (from calling her – c’mon, goose) and finally ended up being just goose.

Many pet “mommies and daddies” will understand how much she means to me. She’s not just a dog to me. She’s my favorite thing. In many ways, she really is treated like a child. The holidays are all about the Goose. She gets the most presents and loves opening them herself. Her birthday parties are big events. She has had a career in security and household management (she’s retired now) and there have been memos circulated about her various promotions and contributions. Our Christmas card always boasts an image of her. She goes in for medical and dental checkups more regularly than I do. I’ve got shirts and hats I’ve customized myself with embroidery of the goose’s profile. I purchased the domain name golfgoose.com to which I intend to eventually transfer this blog. (My cousin was going to host it but I think he got too busy.) Getting the idea? Well, you’ve seen how obsessed I am with golf. Did you think my obsessive behavior started and ended there?

Standing room only at the Goose’s 10th birthday party last February.
Faces have been pixelated to protect the guilty.

So, last Christmas was my first Christmas as a golfer. I had the same request then that I do now. I targeted my request more precisely to my mom, who has mad knitting and crocheting skills. And, dog love her, she actually came through. She was not happy, perhaps even embarassed about the result, and she was hesitant to hand over the finished product. I have to admit, it did look more like a scottish terrier bred with Snuffalupagus from Sesame street. It was so cute, though. It was made from that long fuzzy yarn and was all black with some wispy grays on her face, but her muzzle looked more like an elephant’s trunk. It had little black eyes buried in the long hair (great danes have short hair) and short ears that flopped funny. It was funny looking and didn’t resemble my dog, but I knew what it was. It was adorable, made with love, and it was unique. I wore it on my club with pride.

She actually created it over an exisiting head cover for the form, and that cover wasn’t big enough for my driver, the place of honor. As luck would have it, I happened to have been hitting my five-wood probably the best of all my clubs at the time, and so the cover was thereby dedicated to that club. It saw a lot of great courses and I loved having it on there. That is how my five-wood became known as my goose. Unfortunately, it wasn’t very durable and started falling apart after a few months of heavy use. I returned it by mail to the manufacturer (mom) with a formal letter requesting repairs and indicated that it was still under warranty. I received a response that the item was discontinued and the parts were no longer available, with apologies and hopes that I would place future orders. I can’t believe I didn’t get a photo of it before I sent it back!

Now I have the TaylorMade cover back on my five-wood, but it is still known as my goose on the course. “Oh, this is a perfect situation for the goose” or “It’s about 190 yards, use your goose.” There is a fawn colored great dane clubhead cover available, but no black ones. I’m sure I could find an actual goose if I tried. But I want MY goose! For now, I just have a pin of a real goose on that TaylorMade cover and my three-wood has a Ruger cover, so they’re easy to tell apart. But I yearn for my own personalized cover that will last.

The wrong color cover.

Maybe it’s short notice for Christmas, but the Goose is Jewish and it’s her year in the alternating sequence of celebrating so there’s plenty of time for Dognakuh. Plus, my birthday is coming up on January 4. (I know you’re reading this, mom. I know you’ve said you won’t re-attempt this effort, and don’t feel guilty that you’re spending Christmas with your other daughter and I won’t see you until next year. Hugs and kisses!)

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