Dead Solid Perfect. In Loving Memory of Doug Lesko.

Doug Lesko | 1963 – 2017 | Rest in peace, my love.

The love of my life. My forever. Fatally flawed with a heart of gold, Doug Lesko is my best friend, my favorite person, the golfer of my dreams, my past, my present, and my future. Yes, I’m going to speak about him in the present tense as well as past, because he’s still and always with me. He passed away on January 18, 2017. He will be with me forever (just as planned). In my heart, in my mind, and in my soul. I talk to him like he can hear me as if he’s physically right next to me, just like I did when he was in a coma at the end, because I know he hears me, somewhere, somehow.

God I love to watch Doug swing a golf club. So effortless, but with such purpose. And when it’s dead solid perfect, we just know. That sound, and that look. He made me swoon in many ways, but there was nothing that got me quite like his golf swing. I don’t think it was two days after he passed that I panicked, wondering if I had his swing on video, because I want to always be able to see it. Thankfully, I do. Just like the voice mails I kept from him with good mornings, goodnights, I love yous, and more, that I listen to frequently, I don’t plan to share any of that with anyone. Those are ours and ours alone.

Doug is smart, sharp, and funny. His dry humor sometimes eluded me, especially after things at home got more serious. But he’d give me that look or say something else that made me laugh and then laugh again at myself for not getting it.  Doug wrote for this website, and his posts can be found under the category protipsgolf. I miss his humor and style even when we just sit around watching TV. The things we enjoyed together are so difficult now, but I’m trying to experience the joy in them along with/instead of the pain.  We shared a lot of the same opinions on PGA Tour players, and sometimes disagreed on the ones we liked and why, who we wanted to win (or not), and their fashion choices. I love how much he loves to watch the LPGA tournaments and watch the ladies play, and how he appreciates their skills and personalities. He didn’t give me too much in the way of “coaching,” but since I didn’t break 80 until we were together, I’ve got to give him some credit for that as well, if only for the influence he has on my comfort and confidence on the course, including updating my equipment and getting me to trust it. He really believes in me, and may be nearly as much of a fan of me as I am of him.

Doug is caring and thoughtful – he shows it every day in the way he cares about me more than I do. For example, as his hospital rooms went from comfortable to critical, and he was in more and more distress, he apologized because the chairs I had to stay with him were “getting worse and worse.” At home, he’d try to do more than his doctors advised because he wanted to help me out as much as possible while I was working and caring for him.

Doug loves music – it’s a love we shared that brought us together almost as much as golf. We shared many musical interests, and some that differed, but he was so much more open to experiencing the stuff I liked that he had never been interested in than I was of his. He loved to read, and watch films, and appreciate art in general. This appreciation tells me a lot about a person, and is indicative of someone with a depth you want to get to know.

Doug is easy to like – people who knew him even casually (not many people had the privilege of knowing him well) tell me that. My family and true friends embraced him not only because they cared about me and I loved him, but because he was a downright good human being.

He came to me a damaged man, but you wouldn’t have known it (and I didn’t). All I saw was what a loving, kind, gentle soul he is. I knew he was a good man. I fell in love with that man completely, and without hesitation or doubt. I trusted him. We only found each other recently (2013) and the instant we came together we planned to spend the rest of our lives by each other’s sides. Neither of us knew that his would end so soon or how limited our time together in these bodies would be.

At the beginning of this post I used the phrase “fatally flawed.” We are all fatally flawed and have our own circumstances in life to overcome. Let’s just remember what a good man Doug really was, and that his life ended way too soon. We had so much more to do together.  Some of us are fortunate enough that our flaws aren’t fatal until much later in life. So be grateful for what you have and love the people around you as much as you can for as long as you get to. I would give anything for just one more moment with him, whether that moment lasted one second, one year, or a lifetime. I’m lucky to have had him in my life and honored to have been loved by him in spite of my own flaws.

Doug is Dead Solid Perfect – which is the title of his favorite golf movie, and one of our first movie dates while we were 3000 miles apart, watching it “together.” Yes, he’s dead. Yes, he’s solid. And, yes, he’s perfect – to me.

Overjoyed, by Matchbox 20

Feeling my hands start shaking
Hearing your voice I’m overjoyed
I’m sorry but I have no choice, you’re only getting better
Maybe you have your reasons
Maybe you’re scared, you’re feeling down
Are you crying when there’s no one around?

Oh then maybe, maybe if you hold me baby
Let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows
I can not overstate it, I will be overjoyed

That smile on your face like a summer
The way that your hand keeps touching mine
Let me be the one to make it right

And maybe, maybe let me hold you baby
Let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows
I can not overstate it, I will be overjoyed

And if you want, we’ll share this life
Anytime you need a friend, I’m gonna be by your side
When nobody understands you, well I do

So maybe maybe, let me hold you baby
Let me come over I would tell you secrets God only knows
I can not over state it, I will be overjoyed
Baby let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows
I can not over state it, I will be overjoyed
Yeah I will be overjoyed,
Oh I will be overjoyed.