I’m told he’s not mentally disabled, so I guess Johnny Miller is fair game. With all the incredible action yesterday, it was irritating to have to listen to his nonsense. Rather than muting the telecast, I decided to document some of his gems. Some are listed by readers in this previous post, but here are some examples of his “brilliance” from Sunday at the US Open:
The nonstop comparison of himself to Tiger because of their similar knee surgeries: “I can relate to everything Tiger’s going through right now.” (Riiiiiight. There’s his delusional perspective at work.)
“Four par” (meaning a par 4 hole, not four par scores)
On what shots Tiger should hit all day: “If he plays the hook, he’s just another player.” (Uh, if he plays the hook, he’s probably an amateur. Do you mean draw?)
and… Johnny decided Tiger should be playing his power cut shots all day since they’ve been working best. (this shortly after we hear that the shot that hurts Tiger the worst is the cut, especially the power one since he snaps his left knee.)
On a random 6-foot putt: “These are the ones you gotta make if you wanna win.” (not the 4 footers, the 12 footers, the 2 footers, the approach shots or anything else?)
On a putt that didn’t break into the hole: “It stayed up there for some reason” (wonder what that reason is?)
On a shot decision with a poorly timed telestrator accompaniment: Lots of bumbling words followed by “he was playing the shot that would go this way” (are you sure he’s not mentally disabled?)
I’m recording the playoff so I’ll update this with any gems I pluck from today’s broadcast once I watch it (trying desperately not to hear the score!).
Update: From Monday’s playoff round
Talking about how “sole-ing” the club in chunky lies rather than keeping the club level at the ball for chips from the rough is the “biggest mistake I see from professional golfers.” (as though if he were still a player, he wouldn’t make this mistake and since it’s the most common, he’d be better than they are)
On the third hole after Rocco almost aced it and Tiger was in the bunker: “I had a feeling he was gonna make a 2 there when Tiger was buried.” (cocky blowhard now thinks he has ESP)
Talking about how Tiger made a bunch of one-putts then missed some “I sorta jinxed him.” (cocky blowhard thinks he has that power as well)
Constantly giving advice as to how caddies should interact with their players. For example – yesterday he suggested if he were Stevie, he’d be more forceful with Tiger’s club decisions off the tees. And today, saying if he were Rocco’s caddie he would have pumped him up by telling him to take advantage of the second par 3 when Tiger was in trouble. (Give me a break – these guys have relationships with their players and know exactly how to work with them.)
After the 18th hole when they were on their way to the 7th tee for sudden death, he said he was shocked that Tiger ate and drank as much as he did before going back to play: “It’s not always good to eat so much.” (Again – give me a break. Like Tiger doesn’t know his own body well enough to balance his own pH levels.)
Johnny – do you get paid by the word? Why do these people keep hiring him? Yes, he was announcing during the ESPN portion of the coverage as well as NBC. The only reason I can think is that the other announcers insist that he’s there alongside them so that they’ll appear brilliant by comparison.
Care to share some of your favorites? Please do!
Now that’s entertainment! (and other US Open thoughts)
If you missed the US Open, you missed some of the best golf ever televised. It was incredible. Almost literally. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought it was rigged to script the drama. I guess it’s conceivable that Tiger could aim for an adjacent hole’s bunker knowing he could execute the amazing recovery shot. He could even have been paid to make it close and have missed a few putts on purpose knowing he’d win in the end. He could even wince in agony and magically recover in order to secure a few more million dollars a year from an Aleve endorsement all while lending credibility to his human persona. But did the USGA really collude with Aleve and Tiger’s creators to concoct this “competitive tournament?” Nahh… it all happens behind the scenes in Tiger’s camp, and the script began back when he had his work done. The USGA, the PGA Tour and the golf industry as a whole are simply lucky beneficiaries of Tiger’s placement here on Earth. Not to mention the fans.
The USGA did an amazing job of setting up the course to play exactly to par for the best of field. We all know that doesn’t include Tiger. He just played up to it for his own agenda which happens to make for highly entertaining golf.
The Monday playoff between Tiger Woods and Rocco Mediate was stellar. I bit off all my nails just watching and had putting butterflies as though I were playing and not safely home on my couch. As much as I love Tiger, my appreciation of him is for his dominance. I know some people would root against him for that reason and a lot of people rooted for Rocco because of his underdog status and his outright affability. I don’t think I’m alone that I was rooting for both of them – many of us simply wanted a good show (as Rocco said), and the players certainly delivered.
I wanted Rocco to win, but I needed Tiger to win to reassure me that the Universe was still on course. That the Earth will stay on its axis. As I rooted for Rocco, I worried about what life on Earth would be like if he won.
It was the most compelling round of golf I’ve personally ever watched. Wasn’t it fun to watch just two guys play every shot on every hole and to have it be so close? I was riveted – no skipping ahead through holes on my DVR. Every shot and every word (from the players) had to be seen and heard.
On Sunday, I was really rooting for a three person playoff. I would have loved to see Lee Westwood in there as well. My heart sank when he didn’t make it. Would it have been as entertaining as the underdog vs. number one head-on duel? We’ll never know.
The unwitting pool boy
Pool boys are known for their sex appeal. I’m guessing Rocco never really has been, what with his funny body and funny smile, but I’m also guessing that just changed for a lot of female golf fans (and maybe Johnny Miller as well). Perhaps it’s simply Rocco’s easy demeanor that makes him a pool boy in Johnny’s eyes, but for me, his sexy quotient was elevated to pool boy status by his amazing golf and how he competed with the best, had him on the ropes and fought it out to the finish.
Random thoughts:
Could a non-golfer ever truly appreciate just how great Tiger Woods is? Before I took up golf, I know I didn’t.
If Elin hadn’t dressed like Rocco on Monday, would the round have been a blowout?
Next post.