The Golfchick

That chick blabbing about anything golf related.

Category: Jokes

Don’t Let This Happen To You

golf shot from water hazardI witnessed this tragedy during a recent round and just had to snap some photos.

The man decided to take off his shoes and socks to stand in the water and play his ball from the edge of the hazard. His shot was actually decent and it I’m sure it saved him at least a stroke in the tournament.

But the real tragedy isn’t the situation in which he found himself, it was that all the onlookers were “treated” to what is obviously a rare display of his permasocks. Here’s a guy that needs to do some chipping and putting practice in flip-flops! And I thought I had a tan line problem!

Photos cropped to protect the guilty.

ankle tan lines

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Tiger Woods Can’t Lose

I think it’s clear that Tiger Woods is unstoppable, at least for the foreseeable future.

His remarkable combination of talent, drive and passion surpasses that of any other golfer in the world. As if that weren’t enough, it seems he has something else going for him as well. This month and this year, especially. According to one interpretation, anyway.

Starting today, Tiger has a powerful force in his corner. Just what the rest of the field needs, right? Here are some excerpts:

Tiger Woods Laughing Capricorn

Your January Horoscope by Susan Miller Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

“The year 2008 is just made for you!”

“Pluto is about to make a stunning move out of Sagittarius and into Capricorn on January 25” … “Pluto has the slowest orbit around the Sun and therefore spends the longest time in each sign and house of the zodiac. That allows Pluto to make a truly indelible impression as it travels through a house – in your case, your 1st house of personality and personal desires, determination, and dreams.”

“Others will admire your single-minded determination to succeed, for surely, Pluto will require an all-or-nothing approach from you. As a Capricorn, your motivation and ambition to succeed has always been high, but now it is about to become sharpened, focused, and intensified. Your ability to persuade others will become more effective too, for you won’t take “no” for an answer!” (emphasis mine)

“Were you born on December 28 or close to this date? You actually are in a perfect position to reap benefits galore.” (Tiger’s birthday is December 30.)

Did you notice the part about Pluto – I thought Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore – entering Capricorn today? Tiger shot a -7 (65) today at the Buick Invitational to take a 4 shot lead into the weekend at Torrey Pines.

Regardless of your opinion on horoscopes, there is no debating Tiger’s dominance in golf. Personally, I enjoy believing (the positive parts of) my horoscope. I find it fun. And as a Capricorn myself (January 4), I share Tiger’s stellar forecast and can tell you that my year is getting off to a fantastic and fortunate start! Now if only my golf game would show it.


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Life, golf and sex after death

A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made contact:

” Connie … Connie …”

“Is that you, Joe?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course and I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you’d be proud – lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

“After supper, it’s back to golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.”

“Oh, Joe that surely sounds like you are in Heaven!”

“Not exactly… I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona .”

bunny on golf course

“You’d be proud – lots of greens.”

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Happy Halloween!

It’s time once again for tricks and treats. Oh yeah, and costumes. Dress up your golf ball this year in this cute but practical costume:


When you send it into the lake to go trick or treating, it will be safe, warm and secure (and can still go home in your goodie bag).

I found this and a lot of other silly golf things at Prank Place.

And a special treat just for my friend Rich at Eatgolf.com:

Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!

 

Mummy, mummy what’s a werewolf?
Be quiet and brush your face.

 

How did the witch almost lose her baby?
She didn’t take it far enough into the woods!

 

Why do black cats never shave?
Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskas!

 

Why do demons and ghouls get on so well?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

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