Until now, no man in my life (other than Dad) has ever, would ever, could ever, make me do something I didn’t want to do. Or – more to the point – stop me from doing something I really wanted.
Then came Vito.
Vito is my new prison warden family member. He is a 3-year old Great Dane and is the sweetest, softest jailer I can imagine. Greg and I adopted him from a rescue a week ago today. He is well mannered and incredibly affectionate. He loves everyone he meets, doesn’t beg at the table, comes when he’s called and just wants to be loved. And therein lies the snag.
Within an hour of meeting each other, he bonded to me so securely he could be the poster boy for Krazy Glue. He’s my shadow. He follows me everywhere – and I do mean everywhere. Let’s just say I’m glad my shower has doors and not a curtain. I was told he had mild separation anxiety, but that was a serious understatement. Perhaps he just didn’t quite bond in this way with people at his foster homes. If I leave the house, he whines, cries, moans, fiddles with the doorknob and scratches at the door. It’s truly heartbreaking. So I don’t leave the house unless he goes with me. The darling boy just needs to trust that he’s truly home now and that I’ll always come back to him. So we are working on his issues and running the drills according to behaviorists. His doctor prescribed Prozac, but I’m going to hold off on that because I want to give him time to settle in and let the training take its course.
Meanwhile, I don’t know of any golf courses that would be cool with having a big, clumsy goofball trailing along with me out there. So golf (and many other outings) are on hold for now. In fact, I was supposed to be in Las Vegas this weekend but I stayed behind while everyone else left today for the festivities. I’m happy to have Vito in my life and we’re going to have a fun weekend together, but I look forward to a healthier relationship when my new man will let me play golf. And go to the bathroom in peace.
Tiger Woods has work done, Lorena Ochoa takes the spotlight
Tiger’s website says he underwent “arthroscopic knee surgery” last week and will be out 4-6 weeks while he rehabilitates.
Translation (from internal memo):
Worn part #52a92J replaced in subject Gpr8#kl2. Actual time out of commission: 5.8 Earth minutes. Cover story issued to handlers. “Arthroscopic knee surgery” often requires 4-6 weeks of rehabilitation time in actual humans, therefore subject and handlers may use this as justification for not participating in several undesirable events as well as recent loss at the human revered “Masters.”
This “down time” and distraction allows us to focus on our internal reorganization and determine how best to assign our assets between subjects Gpr8#kl2 and Bw8^p4m. For those not previously involved in subject Bw8^p4m’s development and assimilation, we gave it a human female form with Mexican heritage and call it “Lorena Ochoa.” You will receive further information if you are transitioning to this case.
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